I turn my back to the wind
To catch my breath
Before I start off again.
Driven on without a moment to spend
To pass an evening with a drink and a friend- RUSH, Time Stand Still
Thoughts About My So-Called Life
How does one pare down and summarize one's life 'to
date' is an odd thing to think about when looking to share with others. How
personal to get? What's important and what is trivial? Might simply start with
list of big events, see where it goes from there?
Summary Life So Far…
Childhood through early adult….
In the beginning....haha! Sorry, just popped to mind.
Could have gone with 'it was the best of times, it was the worst of times' or
something similar. Just needed to get the words flowing, and off we go!
For those who don’t know, I was born and raised to
adulthood in the suburbs of Washington D.C.. Two brothers, one older and one
younger, and one sister. Largely raised
as the fabled ‘middle child’ and overall would say I had typical middle class
childhood. Siblings = someone to play
with or annoy or whatever most of the time.
Parents striving to do provide the best they could, usually resulting in
my Dad working more than 1 job most of the time. Moved 3x as I grew up, rental to bigger to
BIGGER to more sensible houses in the same community so was largely able to
keep same friends from elementary school through high school.
High school was pretty good. Sports weren’t my thing growing up, made to
do ‘something’ which equated to not-fun seasons of soccer (too much running
around) and baseball (generally didn’t understand game nor had fundamental
hitting/fielding skills to make it pleasant) but did find my niche is band
(marching and concert). Built
friendships that have lasted in some cases to today – pretty impressive, eh?
Only one really significant girlfriend throughout
pretty much all of high school. First
girlfriend, long-time girlfriend through freshman year of college where I guess
I’d say things ran their course and we split up. Pretty good impact on my early adulthood as
dated a fair amount but didn’t really establish that deep relationship out of
fear of getting heart broken in similar devastating way.
Went to general liberal arts college in central VA,
not my first choice of schools, but looking back was probably a perfect
choice! No real passion for what I
wanted to ‘be’ when I grew up so entered as undeclared major and eventually
found myself with B.S. degrees in Physics and Applied Math. Mostly picked my major study areas based on
what I enjoyed and what I was good at rather than with any particular job or
career field in mind.
As mentioned in earlier paragraph, no real
girlfriend or relationships in college besides a handful of close friends and a
few unrequited attempts. Probably not
emotionally mature enough or whatever.
Rocked college otherwise with nearly perfect grades until succumbing to distraction
of parties, cheap beer and ambitions of ‘hooking up’ my senior year.
Segway….not a bad summary of first 20 years or so. Could probably go deeper in places but leaving
that for another day. And musical
interlude…
(Time stand still)
I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now- RUSH, Time Stand Still
Early Adulthood…or The Good, The Bad and the Ugly….
So following graduation my first job wound up being
with a small company support defense which, thankfully to some GREAT mentors
and perseverance, turned into a fairly diverse career. Fortunately only voluntarily changed jobs 3
times in 25 years (wow….that sounds like a LONG TIME!!!!), but more on that later
I suppose.
Probably with linkages back to earlier mention of 1st
girlfriend, not too many serious ones along the way, and, in hindsight, some
immaturity mixed in with self-diagnosed co-dependency; enter the Bad/Ugly territory
that would be one of the only few BIG mistakes made so far in short, not very
happy with many years consequences to come marriage from 1995-2002. Thinking about ‘wish I knew what I know now
when I was younger’ – I’d perhaps have listened to my good friends at the time
and saved myself a lot of grief, frustration and expense. But in Sliding Doors kind of way, not
possible to know what alternative directions life might have taken had it not
occurred. No hiding in samsara on this
one or creating veiled illusions about what might have been.
Things are perfect as they are because they can’t be
any other way…..
I’ll go Forrest Gump know and just say that’s all I have
to say about that.
Which transitions nicely in to the Good. Re-married in 2004 to love of my life. Have ridden the ups and downs of headache
that is having to deal with ex- whose been unstable and generally a negative
drag on my shared children. The battles
and recurring contention takes its toll which probably gets blurred in with
other parts of life resulting in some disillusionment, skepticism, and
cynicism.
The
Rest of (Over-rated) Adulthood Summed Up…
Two children, well, young teens currently in middle
school. I try pretty hard to be the Dad
I would want to be. Lots of pets –
different topic for completely different set of writing. And fortunately I can say I’ve a few close
friends, and many more friends and acquaintances through different activities
and groups. Comparatively with many of
my peers, in many cases it’s my observation that they sadly can probably count their
‘close friends’ on one hand. Sometimes it's hard work to put yourself 'out there' to meet people other than through work or kids or neighbors.....but try it!!!!
Besides growing up in Virginia, I've also lived for various amounts of time in Colorado Springs and Syracuse as my career has progressed. Work has also afforded quite a bit of travel both around the US and to parts of the world. I enjoy traveling and visiting new places for personal trips too. Not so much to the bigger touristy places such as Orlando/Disney but to other locations offering more immersive opportunities with more local crowds. Favorite places include UK, France, Italy, Netherlands and Belgium.
Living away from family creates its own dynamic. Closeness is as hard or easy depending on the efforts put in on both sides of the equation. As life unfolds and we create our own spheres of friends and interests maybe divergence is inevitable. Here some deconstructing of samsara does enter in, because initially and yeah, sometimes still, may have random wishes things might be 'different' and my kids childhood be more similar to mine, especially when holiday times roll around.
But, accepting and appreciating that not only are things 'as they are', and maybe even 'better' from their perspectives. Definitely different life for my kids relative to my own experiences but in context of making/losing friends, developing close relationships with those within our sphere and needing to open up and bond with people you've no blood relation too is a positive thing too. Especially in the context of karma and no accidents -- people come and go into our lives for unseen reasons as we also impact their lives.
Lastly, on status of life so far and overall posture entering in to 2nd half of my life, I've had no major illnesses or injuries, more on health stuff in Part 3. I did have deer vs motorcycle accident about 2 years ago now. Brought end to hobby I really enjoyed but given the impacts of that accident on my wife and family, decided to find other pursuits that carry as much of a thrill and independence feeling but without the inherent risk of death. Maybe return to it someday....maybe not.
"Time Stand Still"
(Time stand still)
I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away
I turn my face to the sun
Close my eyes
Let my defences down
All those wounds that I can't get unwound
(Time stand still)
I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each impression a little bit stronger
Freeze this motion a little bit longer
The innocence slips away
The innocence slips away...
Summer's going fast, nights growing colder
Children growing up, old friends growing older
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away...
The innocence slips away
