Co-mingling the old with the new

This topic is generally intended to generate some comments back once I've explained the details behind the post.  Please do subscribe, follow, and share your thoughts back for my consideration!  :)

As posted in my 2012 summaries, they year held some unexpected events and welcomed growth opportunities by getting engaged with the local vegan/vegetarian groups.  Growing your circle of friends is of course a very good thing.  Finding a larger community that shares your values and principles that your more immediate (and longer term) circle of friends and acquaintances has caused me to question the topic of this post.  That being:

As a person grows and evolves, can co-mingle their old and new friends and if so, how to go about it?

Observations...

I imagine this topic could be presented from several perspectives whether one has found a new religion, political affiliation, or social cause so the topic should be relate-able to across a diverse segment of readers.  Maybe even relate-able to some who've experienced this from the other side where your friends or family have grown or changed and it effected your relationship with them.

In my case, I've been vegetarian for nearly 12 years and gone vegan in the past year.  Until recently our circle of friends, co-workers, acquaintances and family are typical omnivores.  This naturally begets the expected questions about our lifestyle choices and initially makes dinner parties challenging at first especially when we're invited to someone's home for dinner.  I got the anticipated jokes and queries about whether I've chosen my lifestyle for myself or because my wife had and I just went along with it.

I say the questions and jokes are 'to be expected' because I'd bought into the notion that we were the ones who were different and outside the mainstream and therefore ought to expect to be looked upon strangely.

Now, I had long just smiled and laughed and explained myself again...and again.  Many times doing that cycle with the SAME people.  Go along to get along I guess would be a good description.

I will point out however that the jokes and put-downs and challenges surpassed anything I had encountered previously, for example, when switching from Lutheran to Born-Again Baptist to Agnostic and certainly more than any way I would have ever considered putting down or make jokes at the expense of someone else who's beliefs might be different to mine.

A new perspective...

As 2012 progressed, our vegetarianism grew to getting engaged with some local activism on behalf of being a voice for circus and rodeo animals that are exploited for the entertainment of humans.  Through these meetups and connections we got engaged with a larger vegetarian/vegan community in Colorado Springs.  What an experience and what a FANTASTIC awakening!!!

Being around a group of otherwise strangers and not getting the snide comments and veiled jokes was so refreshing.  Within the group there is a diverse set of reasons different people had chosen the veg/vegan lifestyle ranging from health to environment to animal suffering.  In the months that followed we have learned a lot and forged some new friendships amongst these kindred souls.

Not seeking to abandon our existing circle of friends, we continued engaging with both sets of friends separately and inviting both groups to our annual Halloween party.  That was an interesting experience to say the least but good in exposing some of our omnivore friends to our diverse set of veg/vegan friends for some hopeful synergy.

Afterward...

So in spite of best effort, what has resulted in a bit of a quandary.  Having experienced the liberation that is a community of people with similar lifestyle choices, the friends who had different sets of beliefs or values sometimes seems to be almost actively opposed or threatened by our lifestyle regardless of our acceptance of those lifestyles that differ from ours.

Acceptance should be a 2-way street amongst friends or general people who either chose or have to be around each other for large portions of time.  Right?

Now it seems more blatant when friends and co-workers make jokes about my chosen lifestyle.  The casual jab with a "Don't you want to eat some deer chili?" or "Hey, want some bacon because bacon tastes good." comes across with the same hostility as "I know you're Muslim, but want some pork?" or "Hey, I know you're an alcoholic but man is this beer/wine/liquor good!!!  Too bad you have to miss out.".

It is offensive. Period.

The dilemma...

With good friends, one would expect a little acceptance; at least the same acceptance you would expect from a complete stranger.  Likewise, you might expect you could talk it out with friends and reach common ground and moving forward.  Easier said than done I think.

Do you treat it like religion and politics and just not talk about it?  Do you wear it on your sleeve and dare people to challenge you on your choices?  Or do you go with your gut, say "Fuck you.", and move on?

[my apologies for the language but sometimes that what I feel.  Tried going along.  Tried laugh and ignoring.  Tried rationally explaining my choices.  Sadly, maybe...growth = moving on.

It can be a struggle when one is compelled to share their compassion or beliefs with those with a different point of view in hopes of leading them to the light.  Similar to being called to save souls by spreading the word of whatever god you worship (or not) and helping those who can't help themselves.  If it is your call of duty, then direct engagement with those different from you is actually required as opposed to retreating into a more common community of belief holders and having a less stressful, less challenged daily existence.

So to who ever reads this.  What say you?

When I'm recharged and full of gumption I feel the answer is to stay engaged.  Take deep breaths and press forward with/through/over those who disagree.  To stay engaged for some may see the light.  But being but a human with good days and bad.  With the occasional day when the fight just isn't in me and I'm tired and just want acceptance.

I don't know when one gives up on the old that just won't move at all.  engagement with those who can't 'agree to disagree'. Can't accept the differences in values or beliefs and/or just avoid the subject altogether. 

Won't find a profound answer here...yet.  I'm still trying.  Maybe it's a frustrating is convincing a conservative that healthcare for all is a good thing or a liberal the private gun rights can be a good thing.  Hard when you believe that through the exchange of ideas we can ALL grow and learn from each other.  After all, we're all in this life together.

I had grand visions of how this post might enlighten me or the readers.  Regardless of achieving that end state, it feels good to share and maybe get some good feedback too!

Off to feed the zoo here that is 3 dogs, 2 rabbits, a guinea pig and too many cats to count!!!

TGIF!

On 2013 New Years Resolutions for Health and Fitness

Originally I intended to catch up with my introductory blog entry or get caught up on a topic stemming from events of last year.  But, when I walked into to break room at lunch today and saw an advert for new weight-loss program (for a significant amount of $$) focused on supplements, meal-replacements and "specially formulated" but secret tablets to prevent the body from sorting fat I changed my mind...on to a new topic very relevant to the start of a new year where many people make resolutions to lose weight and get into better shape.

Across the general US population, some 2/3 of us are either overweight, obese or just out of shape. Shockingly, here in Colorado the latest stat is 1 in 2 adults is overweight or obese!!! The stats on children isn't point to things improving but getting worse in years to come.

Not surprisingly, fitness and weight-loss products/programs are BIG business and one sees advertisements and infomercials at all different times of day.  Programs offer big results, often with little to no effort and can cost a small fortune.  As I have learned over the past few months and years, there is a LOT of bad information out there fraught with half-truths, unsubstantiated claims, out right lies and products that are plain unhealthy for the body.  Not only does our government allow such claims by products, the government often puts out it's own incomplete, misrepresented or contradictory information.

 Health products frequently offer franchisee deals where one can save some money on products if one also joins up as an independent consultant to then sell products to other people. 

Smells like a pyramid scheme to me, but that would be a different topic.

Products promising health through meal replacement, supplements slime the body, or short-term diets to slim you in weeks so long as you are on the diet.  Seems questions about what happens AFTER you stop taking the smoothie or supplement or go back to your usual diet habits go unanswered -- maybe because we all already know the answer whether we admit it or not.

Buddha is quoted as saying 'Believe nothing merely because you have been told it.' 

That should go doubly when the words or claims in question come from someone trying to sell you something!  

I would suggest, just as I would to in person to a friend, neighbor or co-worker that if it sounds too good to be true then it probably is.  Who among us would honestly believe that a magic pill or concoction is an elixir of fitness and that we might lose troublesome weight without doing anything differently than we have done for years?  We might delude ourselves into wish or hoping it to be so, but to believe it enough to shell out some serious cash?  REALLY? 

Fact of the matter is, that with some basic (and FREE) behavior changes we can actually shape up and lose some weight without going to extreme measures.  A huge contributor to the state of weight health in the West is directly attributed to DIET.  And by diet I mean the noun, not the verb 'to diet'.

Simply eating more natural foods, less processed foods and skipping meals out altogether will produce noticeable results in as little as 30 days.  Don't believe it because I said it (or because leading nutritional experts say it too!) -- try it for yourself.  30 days of healthy eating.  Nothing to lose for trying.  You have to eat anyway, right?

According to references like Forks Over Knives, when eating a plant-based, whole foods diet you can stop wasting time counting calories, grams of fat, etc. and just enjoy eating! 

So to you the reader, I'd challenge you to try for 30 - 60 days changing the habits that perhaps placed you in the 50% overweight/obese category of the population.  It isn't hard.  Perhaps a little less convenient making some meals from actual ingredients rather than popping something frozen in the microwave, but that little extra time may just avoid the REALLY INCONVENIENT heart-attack or Type-2 diabetes down the road.

Don't expect perfection of yourself or kick yourself for an indulgence now and then.  It's when we operate from a perspective of denial that we most feel the urge to binge....

None of got into the current health, financial or whatever shape we are in overnight or in a few weeks or months.  Expecting to undo years worth of build-up won't happen overnight or in a few weeks no matter what someone promises.  A day, a week, a month at a time.  Yeah, there will be ups and downs along the way but that is life - roll with it!  But don't NOT do what is good for you just because it's challenging......

Karma 2012 (part 3 of 3)

2012 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

3rd Unexpected Event

The 3rd unexpected event or occurance from 2012 comes in the form of awareness of the Black Forest Animal Sanctuary. A volunteer who is also a member of one of meetup groups posted a message about the sanctuary needing both donations (funding, food, misc items) as well as volunteers.  Should go without saying, it takes a lot of work running an animal sanctuary day to day and simultaneously working to get the animals sponsored or better yet adopted.

What better way to support animal causes than to get physically involved!  We've since been to the farm several times to help with cleaning, walking, grooming and just socializing with the current residents of the farm.  Current characters calling the farm home include:  Wilbur (a huge smiley pig), a pot-bellied pig, several unshy goats, alpacas, donkeys, several horses, cows including 1 Holstein and 1 Angus, chickens, ducks, geese and a pair of turkeys!

I've seen farm animals from afar in fields.  I've been around and ridden horses before.  But NEVER had I:

• Hand fed and pet cows,
• Hand fed and got right next to a HUGE Angus cow!  (Did you know they have black tongues and gums?)
• Got chased around by a turkey!  (should have videoed that, might have gotten $10,000!)
• Been nuzzled by so many horses happy for a apple or potato and a scratch.
• Hand fed and pet such an enormous PIG!!!

Given the expense of keeping, feeding, doctoring and sustaining these animals, the volunteers have rallied help do what we can.  A challenging task has been finding local grocery stores that will consistently set aside for the sanctuary off, out-of-date, or unsellable produce.  Every day your local grocery will sort out the fresh fruits and vegetable looking for the spoiled, wilted, damaged and just generally unsellable products to throw out.  These cast-offs would be invaluable to the sanctuary. 

Several local stores have been happy to save the throw-aways for us when asked a day ahead of time.  Other stores have done so - but the response seems inconsistent depending on who is asked at the time.  Responses range from '100% absolutely yes!' to 'Um....sure.' to 'That's not aligned with our corporate polices.'.  [Often have gotten all theses from the SAME store depending on the day!?].

This is largely throw-away product that is unsellable and mostly un-fit to donate to homeless shelters or food pantries.  What people won't eat a horse/cow/big/goat likely will gobble up with gratitude.

So, first request to my readers (especially those in Colorado Springs area) who may work or have contacts with local or corporate Safeway, King Soopers, Albertsons, Target, Walmart, etc. to help us with consistently arrange the collecting up of the throw-away produce and bakery items PLEASE do try!  Worst that can happen is with such requests is 'NO'.....but a world of good could come from just a few successful donations each week.

Likewise, if you feel so moved to volunteer some time, a link to the Sanctuary is provided below.  All are welcomed with no experience required!

2012 in Summary

First let me say thanks to those of you who read my 2012 year end review including what I thought worthwhile highlights to share.  May you have an equally amazing and unexpected 2013!

In closing, I thought that the main points I really wanted readers to take away from my 2012 experience largely center on LIVING YOUR LIFE!!!  Don't let it pass you buy while you wait for a better job, better house, better partner, better circumstances or some time later.  No one know how much of this life they have left.  Live large.  Live for others and the rewards you get back might amaze you!  Be open. Compassionate. Give a DAMN.

This one goes to my own family members and my immediate circle of friends....GET OUTSIDE of your circle!  Meet new people.  Try new things.  Some may disappoint but others might change your life (or theirs) forever.  Live forever in the memory of those whom you've touched in life.  A little smile, support, aid, compassion can leave an enduring mark on the receivers life.

Challenge what you believe to be true.  It is all too easy to just coast through life relying on what you've heard, what you've grown up with, and what you thought to be true XX years ago.  Time marches on and no one is the same person they were XX years ago (double digits for emphasis!).

Static beliefs and a static circle of friends is not growing, learning, and evolving.  I wasn't always a vegetarian.  I wasn't an activist of any kind other than an activist in my own best interests.  Shallow.  It would be sad to have had died and left so many things undone simply because I couldn't be bothered.

No, I'm not perfect.  I have my lazy days.  I have the self-interest stuff I want to do -- a very long list at that.  But at the end of the day, looking back at 2012 I think about what mattered.  What would the long standing effect or impact of how I spend that hour or evening or weekend doing something just for me as opposed to not only doing that thing for me...but doing 3 other things touching the lives of others?

Think about it.

Yes, 'me' time is important.  'Us' time for couples is important and for families too.  But we piss away so much time doing mindless, pointless stuff (we = me included!).  We should push ourselves to be all we can be!!!

Happy New Year!!!!

Resources:

Be a PART of Change...Pikes Peak Animal Rights Team


Colorado Springs Vegan and Vegetarian Group
Black Forest Animal Sanctuary.

Karma 2012 (part 2)

1st Unexpected Event of 2012

So in the days following my motorcycle get-off, I was surprised at the support, well wishes and compassion both my wife and I received from my co-workers.  I've been in the same job for nearly 13 years now, and known some of my co-workers all that time while a few others are more recent acquaintances.

Of course I've always signed the obligatory sympathy card, or birthday card, or contributed when collections were made for the  people in my circle.  But in large part, I'd purposefully maintained a separation between my professional life and my personal life.

 In a  pretty large organization I'd perhaps seen a handful of my co-workers outside of work and would consider them genuine friends.  These inner few knew more about my life events over the past decade including divorce, child custody battles, personal challenges and to a lessor extent my financial ups and downs.  Most however only caught bits and pieces as things might come up in conversations.

Much to my surprise, very many people whom I only know from work expressed both worry about my injuries and even now some 8 months later I still get the occasional query about how I'm doing and if I'm fully recovered.  An unexpected but pleasant awakening.

Perhaps I had done a disservice to myself all these years?  What was my intent for separating my personal life from people whom I spend 40+ hours a week with year after year?

Prior to the accident, in keeping in-line with my Buddhist studies I had been more engaged with co-workers than in the past.  Practicing right speech, right thought and trying to extend compassion to those around me and on my path.  I have made much more diligent efforts in personally engaging with the work family and being more open to sharing my beliefs in a welcoming fashion in not just Buddhism but also my vegetarian/vegan preferences and rationale.  It's a warmer place being more engaged with my co-workers -- more genuine.

2nd Unexpected Event of 2012

Another major turning point in 2012 was our finding, joining and participating in a local Vegetarian and Vegan's Meetup group.  In many ways, to me, this group of people whom I would have had little chance of bumping into in my usual circle of life activities has become what I consider my Sangha.  My spiritual community of kindred spirits and soulful friends.

I have been vegetarian for about 10 years now, and recently trending towards veganism.  My dietary choices from the start largely compassion motivated for the poor quality of life and circumstances of the animals used for food.  None of our immediate circle of friends shared similar beliefs and without realizing it, we had on many occasions been made to feel like the awkward ones for being 'weird' or different from 'the rest of the world'.

This separation became so much more apparent when we found the warm group of other vegetarians and vegans in the meetup group.  Some motivated by compassion for animals abused and slaughtered in food production.  Other motivated by health benefits and detriments associated with plant-based vs animal-based diets.  Regardless, a group of otherwise strangers bonded together out through a common thread.

During 2012, we've met with our group in social gatherings as well as educational events to share and learn with each other on topics associated with diet.  If you've never seen them, I'd recommend everyone omnivore or veg/vegan to be informed and to make educated choices:

• Forks Over Knives
• Peaceable Kingdom
• Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

 By challenging what we know or believe to be true and by continuously learning and growing we can evolve to become more informed and open-minded members of the world.

Our circle of friends grew exponentially in 2012.  An unexpected side-effect of having a wider circle of friends was making the 'gap' in beliefs with our existing friends that much more evident.  More on that in a separate entry.

We are challenged to have right view, right speech, right thought and that can be difficult to do all the time in all situations.  In 2012 we grew in our not only the strength of our convictions by having a common community to growing; but also grew more assertive in being viewed/treated as equals (not weirdos) with others and being apologetic for veg/vegan choices while working harder on compassion and sharing with others perhaps misinformed and in the dark about the animal welfare/environmental impacts/health issues associated with diet.

A win all around I think.

(to be continued...)