As posted in my 2012 summaries, they year held some unexpected events and welcomed growth opportunities by getting engaged with the local vegan/vegetarian groups. Growing your circle of friends is of course a very good thing. Finding a larger community that shares your values and principles that your more immediate (and longer term) circle of friends and acquaintances has caused me to question the topic of this post. That being:
As a person grows and evolves, can co-mingle their old and new friends and if so, how to go about it?
Observations...
I imagine this topic could be presented from several perspectives whether one has found a new religion, political affiliation, or social cause so the topic should be relate-able to across a diverse segment of readers. Maybe even relate-able to some who've experienced this from the other side where your friends or family have grown or changed and it effected your relationship with them.
In my case, I've been vegetarian for nearly 12 years and gone vegan in the past year. Until recently our circle of friends, co-workers, acquaintances and family are typical omnivores. This naturally begets the expected questions about our lifestyle choices and initially makes dinner parties challenging at first especially when we're invited to someone's home for dinner. I got the anticipated jokes and queries about whether I've chosen my lifestyle for myself or because my wife had and I just went along with it.
I say the questions and jokes are 'to be expected' because I'd bought into the notion that we were the ones who were different and outside the mainstream and therefore ought to expect to be looked upon strangely.
Now, I had long just smiled and laughed and explained myself again...and again. Many times doing that cycle with the SAME people. Go along to get along I guess would be a good description.
I will point out however that the jokes and put-downs and challenges surpassed anything I had encountered previously, for example, when switching from Lutheran to Born-Again Baptist to Agnostic and certainly more than any way I would have ever considered putting down or make jokes at the expense of someone else who's beliefs might be different to mine.
A new perspective...
As 2012 progressed, our vegetarianism grew to getting engaged with some local activism on behalf of being a voice for circus and rodeo animals that are exploited for the entertainment of humans. Through these meetups and connections we got engaged with a larger vegetarian/vegan community in Colorado Springs. What an experience and what a FANTASTIC awakening!!!
Being around a group of otherwise strangers and not getting the snide comments and veiled jokes was so refreshing. Within the group there is a diverse set of reasons different people had chosen the veg/vegan lifestyle ranging from health to environment to animal suffering. In the months that followed we have learned a lot and forged some new friendships amongst these kindred souls.
Not seeking to abandon our existing circle of friends, we continued engaging with both sets of friends separately and inviting both groups to our annual Halloween party. That was an interesting experience to say the least but good in exposing some of our omnivore friends to our diverse set of veg/vegan friends for some hopeful synergy.
Afterward...
So in spite of best effort, what has resulted in a bit of a quandary. Having experienced the liberation that is a community of people with similar lifestyle choices, the friends who had different sets of beliefs or values sometimes seems to be almost actively opposed or threatened by our lifestyle regardless of our acceptance of those lifestyles that differ from ours.
Acceptance should be a 2-way street amongst friends or general people who either chose or have to be around each other for large portions of time. Right?Now it seems more blatant when friends and co-workers make jokes about my chosen lifestyle. The casual jab with a "Don't you want to eat some deer chili?" or "Hey, want some bacon because bacon tastes good." comes across with the same hostility as "I know you're Muslim, but want some pork?" or "Hey, I know you're an alcoholic but man is this beer/wine/liquor good!!! Too bad you have to miss out.".
It is offensive. Period.
The dilemma...
With good friends, one would expect a little acceptance; at least the same acceptance you would expect from a complete stranger. Likewise, you might expect you could talk it out with friends and reach common ground and moving forward. Easier said than done I think.
Do you treat it like religion and politics and just not talk about it? Do you wear it on your sleeve and dare people to challenge you on your choices? Or do you go with your gut, say "Fuck you.", and move on?
[my apologies for the language but sometimes that what I feel. Tried going along. Tried laugh and ignoring. Tried rationally explaining my choices. Sadly, maybe...growth = moving on.
It can be a struggle when one is compelled to share their compassion or beliefs with those with a different point of view in hopes of leading them to the light. Similar to being called to save souls by spreading the word of whatever god you worship (or not) and helping those who can't help themselves. If it is your call of duty, then direct engagement with those different from you is actually required as opposed to retreating into a more common community of belief holders and having a less stressful, less challenged daily existence.
So to who ever reads this. What say you?
When I'm recharged and full of gumption I feel the answer is to stay engaged. Take deep breaths and press forward with/through/over those who disagree. To stay engaged for some may see the light. But being but a human with good days and bad. With the occasional day when the fight just isn't in me and I'm tired and just want acceptance.
I don't know when one gives up on the old that just won't move at all. engagement with those who can't 'agree to disagree'. Can't accept the differences in values or beliefs and/or just avoid the subject altogether.
Won't find a profound answer here...yet. I'm still trying. Maybe it's a frustrating is convincing a conservative that healthcare for all is a good thing or a liberal the private gun rights can be a good thing. Hard when you believe that through the exchange of ideas we can ALL grow and learn from each other. After all, we're all in this life together.
I had grand visions of how this post might enlighten me or the readers. Regardless of achieving that end state, it feels good to share and maybe get some good feedback too!
Off to feed the zoo here that is 3 dogs, 2 rabbits, a guinea pig and too many cats to count!!!
TGIF!
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